I want to dance with Eleanor.

I have never known unconditional love. I don't know that I've ever given it either. My parents have never really loved me. They don't even really like me. We're worlds apart. I am, to them, an after thought. There are other things in their lives which are of greater importance. Money. Drugs. The next conquest. I see constantly take it out on myself. I continue to pursue and continue relationships that are half hearted. I walk away from the people that I know will stay by my side. The people whom are not a challenge. Those whom do not love themselves. I take the loyal and cast them aside, boring of them all to easily. + I always end up hurting. Can I settle? Can I settle for something that i know won't take my hearts to the highest highs? Without the passion and the pain is it even worth it to love? Is it worth it to be with someone who doesn't make my heart stop, beat, surge, shrink? Can I ever find the happy medium. There have been people who loved me, enough. They loved me enough for me to survive and I, ever the fool, gambled it away. Pushed it away, made them hate me. Made them believe that I could never love them for pure hatred of myself. another weekend and the same mistake is repeated. The age old question, when will I be loved? The love I am given is enough, so now, when will I take the breath and plunge headfirst into accepting it?