Feeling the time pass me by.

I feel like shit. I haven't posted a blog in ages, on here anyway.
I don't know who reads this anymore. I don't realy give a fuck - as far as I am concerned, if you read my shit, you're looking for trouble.

My ex is dating another girl. I am still in love with her. Which sux becuase I know the girl that she is dating + think she is pretty gross + ugly. Ugh. I can't stand her.

A friend of mine died on Saturday morning. I figured out last night that I was about 3KM from where he was when the accident happened on Friday. It really pisses me off because there are other people in the world that DON'T deserve to be alive. He on the other hand, does. He was so GOOD + kind + caring. I've phoned his g/f every day since I found out. She's really struggling. They got back together about three days before it happened + he was about to go to Melb this week to see her. Fuck the world. Seriously. It things like this that make me think God either does not exist or is a complete cunt. His brother had to fly back from Tokyo to be there when they turned the life support off. I fly back to Brisbane [I'm in Adeliade] on Friday morning + his cremation + wake is on Friday afternoon. Dave is going to take me. I was going to leave here early if the funeral was earlier. It hasn't hit me, being in Adeliade, around my family, it hasn't sunk in. I really want to find the picture of him + Mehaf at the Overalls party at my house. He was wearing my bright bannana yellow overalls with a huge grin on his face. That to me captures everything I knew about him. Fuck. I can't imagine what his family are going through. I feel sick to the stomach about it.

In other news, Dave + I booked out flights to the Us. I had a momentary spin out + almost pulled the plug, but I know that I DO want to do this - especially with him. I've fallen for him so much over the last two weeks. Since my birthday pretty much. There is still hesitation there on my behalf. It is so different seeing a guy. There are silences that i am not used to. Space and time is so different. It's hard to explain - obviously if you've had a gf vs a boyf you would understand. Sometimes it makes me feel empty.

I'm freezing. I need to catch a bus home [to my sister's] + I have no idea how. Ha.

Life could be worse.