The Start Of Something.

I don't know who I would even want to tell about this. Who I would want/let read it? I guess the anonomity of it would have been a great idea, but I fucked that up already.

There is nothing worse than having all these things inside of you that you want to get out. Words, sounds, meanings that once let loose are gone forever and anyone who stumbles upon them can jusdge you or class you as they see fit.

I ahve had a written diary all of my life. since being with ellie I've not written in one. I start a new diary when I am with a long term partner. I think it is a little sick to be smelling/touching/seeing things that remind me of them whilst I am writing about the person I am now in love with. An internet blog/diary is nothing on a written diary, yet I can't bring myself to have one with her. She wouldn't read it [only if I shut down and refused to talk for long periods of time] I know that about her. I trust her. But having said that- I don't trust what I would say - what I would write. There are things in my life that even I can't write/talk about.

So I guess it is all betetr left unsaid.