KISS CHASEY.

Tonight, when I was standing on my tiny square verandah, saying my goodbyes, I heard the sonic sounds of a plane, upon looking up we saw a jet - speeding above us followed closely by another.


CONVERSATION:


"Oh"
"There is another one"
"Maybe they're playing chasey"
"Kiss chasey"


I fell a little further underneath those stars for the second night in a row.

Lips upon lips - kiss chasey.

DELVE.

It gets to the point where there is no return. Should I take a breathe and delve myself in this? Brown skin against crisp white sheets. Black hands on denim, grey. I curl my body around you absorbing your heat, bringing me back to the surface. Drawing me out of this spun cocoon. There is so much there. even more than I want to acknowledge. Every time we see one another, I see subtle changes in body language, demeanor, the walls crumbling down. Lingering with fingertips. I am wary, cautious of your care.


Can I go back on everything I've worked for in the last 5 years?


The past continues to rear it's ugly fucking head and punch me in the chest, breathless my heart leaps and become sickened with the thought of those hands on another. Yet, I shy away from tying myself down. I'm hoping for the best and expecting the worst. Has anything really changed in me at all. Can I take it for what it is and learn to not take this for granted. I find it so hard to trust, the nicer you are, the warier I become. Jaded with a hatred that once choked me. This stupid fucking broken heart that I carry around with me, previously strewn across this city.



Soon, it will all come out. I'm waiting for the reaction.



I am drowning from the rush of blood to my chest.
Put your hand to my heart and apply some pressure.
Can you feel the starlight lingering in my blood stream from the evening prior?
They fell amongst the dew and anchored themselves into my heart.
I'll adorn my walls with your youthful traits, tag your name on my heart.
End every sentence with a full stop.
Take it as it comes.
Hope, and with hope there is life.

SWOON.

I like the way you hold me.

Arm's length - drawing breath.
I like the way you hold me - left handed - stranded in the rough waves of your tender heart.
My body is quickening, liquefying
A callous softened - a shoulder turned toward my small embrace,
and you, warm skinned, quiet voice - make me swoon with gladness.
Slower than before - + it's taking a hold of me.


You're taking a hold of me - and I like the way you hold me.

GREY.

[tell metostoplookingIswearIwon'tchangeathingthewhitehasfadedandIamfullupofgreygreygrey.]

You took my whole, my entire hole.
Lit the flame watch the white burn.
You filled him up and pushed him out.
I saw you double, wither from my hold
Now you're empty.
I've paid my due-I rescued you.
It's too late
Screaming won't won't cut these white gold rings.
Slave, slavern.
A grey hood.
Hides the red. [heartpinnedtomychest]

Replace my black with your white.

Replace my fate with your life.

SOUL.

I'm watching the camera, watching you take my picture.
Pondering on superstition that it will take part of my soul.

You can have it, it's worthless to me.

It's all fucking worthless to me.

SUFFOCATE.

Everyone that I ever sleep with sleeps so close to me. As though they are trying to get everything they can from me before I leave. I toss and turn, restless, suffocating. Red eyed, blaring. Waking at one. Not able to sleep with anyone this close to me. An eternal curse. The closer you move to me the closer I move away. Paralysed by your need. Repulsed by your heat.

So when I feel empty, hollow at one in the morning, Stifled by your hand on my back and your breasts flush against my bare skin, I've only myself to blame.

I've only ever had myself to blame.

SLEEP.

I am so tired and I can't sleep.
I am so tired and I can't sleep.
I am so tired and I can't sleep.
I am so tired and I hate you.
I am so tired and I can't see.I am so tired and I can't sleep.
I am so tired and I can't see.
I can't see.
I can't sleep.

Fucking kill me.

The screaming inside of my head won't stop.

I just want it all to stop.


Everything is nothing.