Sunday, August 16, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Feeling the time pass me by.
I feel like shit. I haven't posted a blog in ages, on here anyway.
I don't know who reads this anymore. I don't realy give a fuck - as far as I am concerned, if you read my shit, you're looking for trouble.
My ex is dating another girl. I am still in love with her. Which sux becuase I know the girl that she is dating + think she is pretty gross + ugly. Ugh. I can't stand her.
A friend of mine died on Saturday morning. I figured out last night that I was about 3KM from where he was when the accident happened on Friday. It really pisses me off because there are other people in the world that DON'T deserve to be alive. He on the other hand, does. He was so GOOD + kind + caring. I've phoned his g/f every day since I found out. She's really struggling. They got back together about three days before it happened + he was about to go to Melb this week to see her. Fuck the world. Seriously. It things like this that make me think God either does not exist or is a complete cunt. His brother had to fly back from Tokyo to be there when they turned the life support off. I fly back to Brisbane [I'm in Adeliade] on Friday morning + his cremation + wake is on Friday afternoon. Dave is going to take me. I was going to leave here early if the funeral was earlier. It hasn't hit me, being in Adeliade, around my family, it hasn't sunk in. I really want to find the picture of him + Mehaf at the Overalls party at my house. He was wearing my bright bannana yellow overalls with a huge grin on his face. That to me captures everything I knew about him. Fuck. I can't imagine what his family are going through. I feel sick to the stomach about it.
In other news, Dave + I booked out flights to the Us. I had a momentary spin out + almost pulled the plug, but I know that I DO want to do this - especially with him. I've fallen for him so much over the last two weeks. Since my birthday pretty much. There is still hesitation there on my behalf. It is so different seeing a guy. There are silences that i am not used to. Space and time is so different. It's hard to explain - obviously if you've had a gf vs a boyf you would understand. Sometimes it makes me feel empty.
I'm freezing. I need to catch a bus home [to my sister's] + I have no idea how. Ha.
Life could be worse.
I don't know who reads this anymore. I don't realy give a fuck - as far as I am concerned, if you read my shit, you're looking for trouble.
My ex is dating another girl. I am still in love with her. Which sux becuase I know the girl that she is dating + think she is pretty gross + ugly. Ugh. I can't stand her.
A friend of mine died on Saturday morning. I figured out last night that I was about 3KM from where he was when the accident happened on Friday. It really pisses me off because there are other people in the world that DON'T deserve to be alive. He on the other hand, does. He was so GOOD + kind + caring. I've phoned his g/f every day since I found out. She's really struggling. They got back together about three days before it happened + he was about to go to Melb this week to see her. Fuck the world. Seriously. It things like this that make me think God either does not exist or is a complete cunt. His brother had to fly back from Tokyo to be there when they turned the life support off. I fly back to Brisbane [I'm in Adeliade] on Friday morning + his cremation + wake is on Friday afternoon. Dave is going to take me. I was going to leave here early if the funeral was earlier. It hasn't hit me, being in Adeliade, around my family, it hasn't sunk in. I really want to find the picture of him + Mehaf at the Overalls party at my house. He was wearing my bright bannana yellow overalls with a huge grin on his face. That to me captures everything I knew about him. Fuck. I can't imagine what his family are going through. I feel sick to the stomach about it.
In other news, Dave + I booked out flights to the Us. I had a momentary spin out + almost pulled the plug, but I know that I DO want to do this - especially with him. I've fallen for him so much over the last two weeks. Since my birthday pretty much. There is still hesitation there on my behalf. It is so different seeing a guy. There are silences that i am not used to. Space and time is so different. It's hard to explain - obviously if you've had a gf vs a boyf you would understand. Sometimes it makes me feel empty.
I'm freezing. I need to catch a bus home [to my sister's] + I have no idea how. Ha.
Life could be worse.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
RAVISH
Sometimes I can smell you on my hands, on my breath.
And I become confused, disorientated - it has been hours since I kissed you - hours since I tasted your mouth upon mine
Hours since you laid your hands upon me - face turned toward me.
Opening your heart, letting down the walls - vunerable and ravished
Maybe you left your trace on my skin - imprinted upon me, yourself so that even when I wasn't near you, I would remember you.
The ghost of your touch.
I don't know how to forget you, and trust me, I've tried.
And I become confused, disorientated - it has been hours since I kissed you - hours since I tasted your mouth upon mine
Hours since you laid your hands upon me - face turned toward me.
Opening your heart, letting down the walls - vunerable and ravished
Maybe you left your trace on my skin - imprinted upon me, yourself so that even when I wasn't near you, I would remember you.
The ghost of your touch.
I don't know how to forget you, and trust me, I've tried.
FOR-GIVEN
These wrists turn,
Your eyes are glazed, laced with disapointment.
Bones are easily broken, time can atest to this.
Hearts heal - I can atest to this.
Forgive me, my love.
Forgive me, this broken promise.
CUNT
Fuck you for not being there for me when I need you the most.
Fuck you for not caring that this is the biggest thing I've had to face + I'm facing it alone.
Fuck you for wanting to live with me when you needed an out then not even respecting me enough to tell me that you didn't need it anymore. You fucking cunt.
Fuck you for being an alcoholic.
Fuck you for being a drug addict + all round failure.
Fuck you for being nothing worth looking up to.
Fuck you for hurting me.
Fuck you for not trying hard enough to make this right between us.
Fuck you for dumping on me when YOU want.
Fuck you for being a two faced, lying bitch.
Fuck you for touching me.
Fuck you for creating so much drama that EVERYONE is sick of you but are too afraid to tell you.
Fuck you for EVER coming into my life.
Fuck you for spelling my name wrong.
Fuck you for making me doubt myself.
Fuck you for your guilt.
Fuck you for your manipulation.
Fuck you for being male.
Fuck you for the five years I've wasted loving you. I fucking hate you + wish you were dead.
Fuck you for lying/cheating/stealing.
FUCK YOU FOR BEING EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE.
Fuck you.
Fuck you for not caring that this is the biggest thing I've had to face + I'm facing it alone.
Fuck you for wanting to live with me when you needed an out then not even respecting me enough to tell me that you didn't need it anymore. You fucking cunt.
Fuck you for being an alcoholic.
Fuck you for being a drug addict + all round failure.
Fuck you for being nothing worth looking up to.
Fuck you for hurting me.
Fuck you for not trying hard enough to make this right between us.
Fuck you for dumping on me when YOU want.
Fuck you for being a two faced, lying bitch.
Fuck you for touching me.
Fuck you for creating so much drama that EVERYONE is sick of you but are too afraid to tell you.
Fuck you for EVER coming into my life.
Fuck you for spelling my name wrong.
Fuck you for making me doubt myself.
Fuck you for your guilt.
Fuck you for your manipulation.
Fuck you for being male.
Fuck you for the five years I've wasted loving you. I fucking hate you + wish you were dead.
Fuck you for lying/cheating/stealing.
FUCK YOU FOR BEING EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE.
Fuck you.
CHI CHI
Insignifigant, sufficient.
Disasterous + unwarranted.
Cold flush a poisonous fever flows, ebbs+ fades away.
What is this fear?
Anothers mouth - anothers eyes.
You said I look so pretty when I cry.
Disasterous + unwarranted.
Cold flush a poisonous fever flows, ebbs+ fades away.
What is this fear?
Anothers mouth - anothers eyes.
You said I look so pretty when I cry.
VIABLE AIR
There was a moment - where you made my heart trip.
Your weight upon me, pressing me down, downdowndown
your heart beating - into my chest - out of synch with mine
a kiss upon the head, three spoken words - my name the punctuation.
the bridge is flooded and I cannot return home.
This city is blanketed by the sky, heat oppressive
we stand amongst three nations of people
I am breatheless, the heat robbing my lungs of viable air,
whispering into your ear, my final words - iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
My lips on the pulse in your neck
breathing you into my lungs
you surround me, around me....
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
Your weight upon me, pressing me down, downdowndown
your heart beating - into my chest - out of synch with mine
a kiss upon the head, three spoken words - my name the punctuation.
the bridge is flooded and I cannot return home.
This city is blanketed by the sky, heat oppressive
we stand amongst three nations of people
I am breatheless, the heat robbing my lungs of viable air,
whispering into your ear, my final words - iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
My lips on the pulse in your neck
breathing you into my lungs
you surround me, around me....
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
